Depression & Divorce, Part One

Of all the emotions felt during divorce, depression is one of the worst. I don’t mean it’s the worst mentally or spiritually. I mean the worst on all levels, because it takes one away from the task at hand.

Sadly, the task at hand is only a short term task. Anyone can get through it with the right plan.

Divorcing is a process that involves many levels of change. Finances change, suddenly you don’t have money to spend or the security of the retirement benefits that you had when you were married.

Your personal life is destroyed. Many times half of the social network that you had during marriage disappears. It’s alienation, disconnection, disorientation. Who can you count on? Who is there for you? Where do you turn to for help?

Even more difficult is the change to your parenting. The breadwinner now has to invent him or herself. During the marriage, the other spouse, earning less, often put more time in taking care of the children, and the breadwinner could swoop in after work and have fun with the kids without the hassles.

Now the children have to be taken care of, but the importance of the breadwinner’s career is even more important to those children who now face a future with two separate households spending double the money than before. Where will the breadwinner find the time to spend with the children now, with work and caring for the children’s needs suddenly taking up so much time?

Depression destroys one’s ability to face these issues head on. A depressed person cannot formulate a plan or follow through on a plan for dealing with these issues.

Depression takes away one’s ability to make new friends, to seek out support from those who might be able to give it.

The energy for career and for children’s needs seems to be yanked out of one.

Getting through these issues is the all important goal. Coming up with a plan that will make it through the depression is the key. My next posts will deal with this from the perspective of the lawyer.

We lawyers need to spend just a little time in a role that goes beyond the legal issues and reaches to the divorcing client’s attitude toward the law and the facts of his or her case. We can help our clients get the right perspective.

But ultimately the person who is divorcing will have to decide how he or she will respond and react to the situation.

Empowering people to do so will be the focus of this blog.

About admin

Brian Sipe is an attorney located in Huntingdon Valley, Pennsylvania. He is a member of the New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania bars.
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